


The Big Reveal

by me_again



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Bad Flirting, My First Fanfic, Sexual Harassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 13:32:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8374018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/me_again/pseuds/me_again
Summary: Daredevil is unmasked in front of the team. So there's a betting pool, Avengers, oblivious Matt, and Karen is In Charge.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Yods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yods/gifts), [NikkiPond](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikkiPond/gifts).



> Back in May '16 Yods and NikkiPond said i should write this so I did. It was supposed to be a short 5+1 but it got outta control. I apologize for any mistakes tagging, format, typos, etc. There were supposed to be seperate chapters but oh well I Don't Know What I'm Doing.
> 
> My only beta is a fish named pinky pie and he was not that helpful, to be honest.
> 
> All the characters belong to other people.

0 (PRELUDE) The Avengers were in Hell's Kitchen. Again. Matt balled his fists and stalked around his apartment as he argued with himself. He was no condition to fight. Apparently his training and bullet resistant armour was nearly useless in a fight with an actual tiger (don't ask). Matt was punctured in multiple places, but more importantly he had a badly sprained wrist. The armour was amazing. It was the only reason that wrist was still attached to his arm, and it had taken the brunt of the tiger's claws across his entire body, sparing him hundreds if not thousands of stitches. Unfortunately the armour was now a total loss. Melvin didn't have any of his special fabric laying around, so he was starting the uniform from scratch (no pun intended). On the bright side, the way the armour had shredded gave Melvin ideas for improvements, so the new suit would be even better. It was still weeks away though.  
Matt stopped pacing as the latest update was announced. It looked like the Avengers had cornered the Big Bad with their unknown weapon in a building here in Hell's Kitchen. Of course they had. Then Matt began digging through his closet with a curse. He couldn't sit by while another piece of Hell's Kitchen was destroyed.  
~~~~~~  
Captain America stood impatiently next to Black Widow in the old gym they'd adopted as their temporary base. Iron Man and Hawkeye were doing reconnaissance while Falcon and Thor ushered more civilians to safety. Bruce was sitting this one out. Finally the other team members arrived.  
"Any idea what the weapon does?" Cap asked.  
"Nope" Hawkeye replied. "They're staying low inside the building. I can't get eyes on them."  
"There's nine separate heat signatures and they're all wonky. We could be dealing with something like Extremis." Iron Man growled. "We need to hit them fast and hard."  
Black Widow showed a schematic to Cap. "If we place explosive-"  
"No explosives in my city!" Daredevil was pleased by the startled reaction as he leapt from the ceiling into the ring. The climb was agonizing with his damaged arm, but he nailed the landing. "And Hawkeye if that arrow damages the canvas I will kick your ass."  
"Daredevil?" He asked incredulously. Matt kept his head down and sighed  
"This is a new look for you." Black Widow smirked. Matt was wearing old worn jeans and a navy hoody. Apparently at some point his back up gear had also been mangled and he hadn't replaced it. He didn't even have another mask. He knew the lighting in the ring would keep his face hidden as long as he was careful. He didn't know the lighting also nicely highlighted the fit of his Levi's. "I approve." She purred.  
"It's laundry day." Matt answered dryly. "But I knew I'd need to clarify the rules for you all again. No explosives. And you'll have that door fixed before you leave." He nodded to the entrance.  
"Sorry about that" Falcon muttered.  
"Daredevil I don't think you understand-" Cap began sternly.  
"You think you've isolated nine dangerous terrorists with a high-risk weapon across the street. You are prepared to blow open a hole big enough for Iron Man to fly in, grab the weapon, and escape while the remainder of you subdue the enemy." Daredevil stalked across the ring, grabbing the ropes and leaning against them. "How am I doing so far?"  
" You have a better plan?" Iron Man asked as he clanked into position next to Cap.  
"Yes. Call for nine ambulances." Daredevil dropped the snark from his voice and scrubbed his face. "The weapon was some sort of energy beam. It malfunctioned and injured everyone who was in the room about 10 minutes ago."  
"How How" spluttered Hawkeye.  
"I told you. This is MY city." Daredevil cocked his head, listening. "Most of them are already unconscious. They aren't a threat to anyone now."  
"Truly you are an effective guardian." Thor nodded approvingly.  
"I'll notify the NSA so they can make the arrest." Widow said. "A little positive PR will keep us on their good side."  
Daredevil looked towards Cap. "Are you going to cause any more trouble in my town tonight?" Cap shook his head.  
"So" Iron Man interrupted. "Laundry night?" Matt turned in his direction. "I just pulled up YouTube of last week." Daredevil groaned as Eye of the Tiger began playing from a speaker somewhere. Hawkeye jumped nimbly into the ring and started playfully jabbing at Daredevil.  
Matt, comfortable in his surroundings and pleased by the outcome, threw back his head and laughed. He choked when he felt the hood fall back. The moment seemed to stretch on forever before it was broken by a loud wolf whistle.  
"Damn you are pretty!" Iron Man crowed. "I mean, I'm pretty. We're all pretty. You, however, are a whole new level of good-looking. Back me up here Cap!"  
"Uh" Cap replied intelligently. "Can I sketch you?"  
"That's not a euphemism." Black Widow slipped easily into the ring and stood next to Hawkeye. The archer was still standing with his hands up in a classic boxing position as she leaned against him. "He really just wants you to model." She paused. "You are not what I expected."  
"I thought you'd be hot" Hawkeye chimed in. Matt was in shock. What? "I mean, your mouth is pretty damn hot" There were sounds of assent from the other Avengers. Again Matt thought, What? "But you've got the whole supermodel hotness deal. Like all of it."  
"Indeed!" Thor chimed in. He sounded more enthusiastic than normal. Matt hadn't thought that was possible. "I believe Jane would say your package is worthy."  
"Whole package" Iron Man corrected.  
"Although he's not wrong" Widow chimed in. She sounded playful and predatory at the same time. Hawkeye nodded next to her and Matt felt his entire face go red.  
"You. You." Matt spluttered. "You are. You don't. I'm blind!"  
"Man." Falcon said disapprovingly. "Don't be ableist. Blindness and top-shelf beautiful can be wrapped up in the same fine ass package." He gestured. "As you so brilliantly demonstrate."  
"Fine.Ass." Stark repeated approvingly.  
"This is not how this goes!" Matt yelped. "The big reveal is not my cheekbones!"  
Cap shook his head sadly. "If you think that you've been hanging out with the wrong people." Matt gaped at the Avengers, who were apparently insane, and then abruptly ducked under the ropes and headed for the door. He had to get out of there.  
"Ethereal." Cap murmured to himself as Daredevil walked by. Matt blushed harder, resolutely ignored the others, and made his escape  
~~~~~~~~.  
1 (TONY) Matt arrived to work the next day well rested and much calmer. He had done some meditation last night after escaping the Avengers and finally decided the whole thing was a joke. A very well-choreographed prank to tease him for not revealing himself to them before. After some deliberation he had even decided to tell Foggy about the whole thing. His partner worried about Daredevil every night, and it was rare for Matt to have light-hearted, if embarrassing, stories to tell. Karen was out until noon running various errands, so Matt had the perfect opportunity. Foggy took one look at his face and commanded "Spill."  
Matt did. Foggy snickered at Laundry Day Daredevil. He growled at the casual suggestion of property damage. He was pleased with Matt's punch-free solution. But he was oddly silent during the last part.  
"So the first time they saw you, your face I mean, you weren't wearing your glasses or anything and you were laughing?" Foggy asked.  
"Yeah." Matt chuckled. "I'll never trust a hoody for undercover work again."  
"Smirk laughing or head back huge smile laughing?" Foggy demanded. Matt was surprised by the question.  
"What? Well, I guess the second one." He frowned. Foggy's heart was doing weird things. This wasn't the reaction he expected. Matt was getting pretty tired of the unexpected.  
"OK buddy I need you to sit down and listen to me." Foggy gently pushed Matt towards his office, and didn't stop fussing until he had Matt cornered into his chair. "Are you listening to me? Just me? This is important."  
"Yes. Yes Foggy. What-"  
"Matthew Michael Murdock." Uh oh, the whole name. Matt shut up and focused. "You are smoking hot. You make Greek statues look like pimply mall geeks. You are on everyone's sex pollen list. You have groupies who sit in court just to look at you. Do you hear what I'm saying?"  
Matt stared at his friend. Foggy's heart was steady. He was telling the truth  
"You know how you think your eyes make people nervous? You're wrong. Your face is so freaking amazing traffic literally stops Matt. I've seen it. It stops."  
"But you don't. Karen didn't." Matt protests  
"The glasses and Serious Matt are like an inoculation, OK? They let us get used to the idea that you're really really good-looking before we're hit full-on with Supermodel Matt. It lets us keep our brains in gear the first time you dazzle us with the caramel bedroom eyes so we don't act like complete jackasses."  
"Caramel-"  
"Quit interrupting Matthew." Matt shuts up. "Serious Matt gives us two thoughts. 'Oh this guy is sad' AND 'Holy fuck he's handsome.' They kind of balance each other out. You following me so far?" Matt nodded mutely. "Happy full-faced Matt causes identity crises in gay women and straight men. I speak from experience." Foggy stepped away from the desk as he said the last part. “I mean yes, I finally realized I prefer sex with women and it’s not like the discovery phase was unpleasant but it was still very confusing.” Foggy sighed and looked down. Matt's brain was feeling mushy. Probably from all the blood rushing to his face. "I. We. Do you understand?"  
"My eyes are. I'm handsome?" Matt tried, face hot.  
"I swear to God if I had to struggle through this intervention just so you can become a narcissistic asshole I will spray your entire office with pepper spray." They laughed together a little hysterically. "Just think about it the next time someone acts like an idiot. Maybe they're awkward because you're blind. Or maybe you've blinded them with your awesome beauty."  
"Ha" Matt managed. "If I agree can we never speak of this again?"  
"Deal." Foggy went to his own office, and both lawyers focused on their work like their lives depended on it. Peace lasted until noon, when Karen burst in shouting for Foggy. Matt had actually managed to immerse himself in documents and jumped at her excited shouting, slamming his sprained wrist into the desk. He did not whimper, and came out to see what was going on.  
"Hold on hold on" Karen chanted as she messed with her computer, "and- oh here we go!" Karen brought up some local news program. They were talking about Tony Stark's newest charitable endeavour. Apparently he was giving out grants to local businesses that aided their community.  
"Karen what" Foggy started but he was immediately shushed by his secretary. Assistant. Office Manager. Anyway he was shushed. "Here it comes don't miss it oh my god!" Her words were muffled behind her fist as she vibrated in glee. The first grant recipient: Nelson and Murdock. The name of the grant: Worthy Packages. Matt went back to his office. He'd handled bricks to the head. He could handle this.  
He could not handle this.  
"Buddy, I know I'm being a little insensitive, but we are taking the grant." Foggy had immediately sent Karen out for celebration supplies while he pinioned his overwhelmed partner for the second time that day. "He's giving us the same billable-hour rate charged by his lawyers for every pro bono case we take, past and future. We still choose the cases. It's definitely Murdock-Morals approved bud." An email with the contract for the Worthy Package grant had been waiting when Foggy checked the account. Matt heard Foggy's heart leap as he read the details and he knew he was doomed. "We can go pro-bono full time and make a real living." His voice softened as he looked at his wounded duck friend.  
"I know the mandatory Gala date part is a little.."  
"Whorish?" Matt interjected miserably.  
"OK, yes, given what you told me about your last meeting with Iron Man there's definitely a Pretty Woman vibe to the whole deal," Foggy's tone hardened. "But. But I have been under enormous stress trying to man our, OUR practice basically by myself while you do your night job. When I joke about choosing between electricity and food I.am.not.joking." Matt hung his head with guilt. Foggy was an excellent lawyer. He shouldn't be worried about making rent every month because of Daredevil. Foggy sensed weakness and moved in for the kill. "Buddy, I have been through so much because of Da-your night job. It's not what I signed up for. So now I, we, have a chance at something really really amazing, a dream deal, given to us by your night job. So please, buddy, do it. For me?" Matt groaned and put his head on his desk. Foggy recognised victory and started fist-pumping wildly, although he kept himself from screaming for his beleaguered partner's sake. "Yes. Yessssss."  
~~~~~~  
"OK Vivian your limo's here." Foggy announced.  
"Ha ha." Matt grouched. "The Pretty Woman jokes are getting kind of old." Karen shook her head.  
"Pretty Woman never gets old Matt. Are you ready for your own shopping montage?" She asked.  
Matt grinned despite himself, blushing a little. His friends were so excited and their happiness was infectious. And it WAS nice to be fussed over, although he'd never admit it.  
"As ready as I'll ever be." He sighed. Foggy laughed as he offered his arm to his friend, ready to lead him down to the limo. Matt wasn't fooling anyone. Getting fitted for a tux by Tony Stark's! personal tailor was not an arduous task. As they approached the limo the driver opened the door, revealing the billionaire himself. Foggy helped his friend into the car, and then blocked the door.  
"Do I need to give you the shovel talk?" Foggy demanded. Tony smirked as Matt groaned and tried (not very hard) to send his friend away.  
"Is this the partner?" Tony asked Matt. He directed his attention back to the long haired man in the bad suit leaning half into his limo. "Stormy, right?" Matt groaned more honestly this time.  
"Yeah, that's original." Foggy said. He felt like smile grow sharp and Tony's smirk faded as he noticed the difference. "Who I am is a very good lawyer with a lot of time on his hands, Stark. You want to be a genuine asshole to my friend? I'll know. Make him feel bad? Maybe a little groping or other shitty behavior? I'll find out. And I will bury you. I'll have you served for so many violations not even your army of lawyers will save you. Got it?" Tony stared at this man threatening him in his own limo, and felt a small honest smile on his lips.  
"You're an honest to God Best Friend, aren't you?" He said.  
"Damn right." Foggy snapped firmly. "Matt's got people in his corner. Don't forget it."  
"I won't." Tony grinned. "I'll bring him back in one piece Mom." Foggy relaxed and smiled back. Message delivered. He wasn't getting any actual creep vibes from Iron! Man! and Matt hadn't bolted for the exit when given the chance, so Foggy deemed Operation Gigalo a go. He stepped back, let the driver shut the door, and waved as they drove away.  
"All right." Tony's heart rate picked up as he clapped his hands together. "Everything I say in here is covered by the Non Disclosure Agreements, right?"  
Matt looked at him with a slight frown and nodded. "It never leaves this car."  
"All right." Tony said again. He pressed his hands into his knees and rocked forward a little. As if this motion shook something loose, he erupted with a torrent of words. "OK. So your opinion is correct. I dropped the ball on the rebuilding of Hell's Kitchen." Matt jumped in surprise at the choice of topic. He'd snarled at Iron Man a few times on the subject but he had no idea the billionaire actually listened. "Originally we had a bunch of safeguards built into the contracts but we weren't getting bids from companies big enough to do the work fast." The older man slid a glance towards the lawyer and then kept talking to his knees. "So we loosened the restrictions. I wanted it all fixed now. I didn't. I didn't want to remember what happened. To see where I'd failed to save. I just wanted the biggest contractors on it, OK?" Matt nodded, stunned. And the verbal tsunami continued. "So I was going to have a task force, accountants and lawyers making sure my money was fixing stuff the way it was, but, uh. I kind of, um. Well, first I was being poisoned by my arc implant, and that sucked." Matt realized his mouth had fallen open at some point in shock, and closed it. Tony wasn't waiting for or expecting a response."But mostly I kept having nightmares. Flashbacks. Or where I failed and everyone died in a nuclear holocaust. It was heavy, you know." Another side glance, assessing his passenger's reaction. Tony took a deep breath and let it out slow. "So anyhow. The point is I fucked up and you had to clean up my mess. Nelson and Murdock you. I know that and I own up to it. That's why the grant. You earned it cleaning up after me. Pepper knows a thing or two about that and she agrees. OK?" It took Matt several seconds to realize this was an actual question. He nodded, but never got a chance to speak. "And speaking of Pepper I didn't get a card."  
"What?" Finally, Matt got a word in.  
"A freebie card. We're in a committed relationship, and that means we have to get an OK to boink other people. I gave her my list awhile ago and you weren't on it."  
"Oh." Matt replied. "Billionaire committed relationships are apparently not the same as Catholic committed relationships." Tony laughed at that.  
"Yeah. To be honest Pepper is enough, but I have an image to uphold. So here's the deal. I'm going to hit on you and quite possibly several others at the gala. And I'm not dead, so I'm going to give your supermodel self the attention you deserve. But I will not, in fact, hit that. Cool?"  
Matt processed the information and then gave Tony a sly smile. "I'm your beard? Your monogamy decoy?"  
Tony snorted. "I don't want Pepper to be more of a target. If it looks like I'm still playing the field it gives her some breathing room." Matt nodded seriously and then gave Tony a big smile.  
"I'm all in."  
At the tailor's, Tony insisted on supervising the fitting for his blind debutante. Of course he did.  
"All right Murdock drop trou." He ordered cheerfully from his richly upholstered chair. He was eating grapes.  
"Is that really necessary?" Matt asked the tailor. Both the tailor and Tony nodded firmly. With a sigh he stripped to his underwear. He immediately had Tony's full attention.  
"Ok, first? Silk boxers. Purple silk boxers. A very welcome surprise." Matt's burgeoning blush deepened. "Second, my God you are magnificent. You're blushing all the way to your chest and it's giving me warm carnal feeling here."  
"Please shut up." Matt mumbled as the tailor took his measurements.  
"Third," Tony continued blithely, "I'm making you a suit." The tailor stepped out to get some fabrics. "A night work suit."  
"I already have a-"  
Tony ran right over the interruption. "Those scars are like graffiti on a Michelangelo sculpture my friend. I can't allow that kind of desecration. And a couple look bad enough you could have died."  
"Most are from before I had ar-" The tailor came back in and started holding up fabrics for Tony's approval. They were muttering to each other in italian.  
"Yeah yeah but you only have the one right?" Despite himself Matt was impressed by how easily Tony switched between languages. "I'll make a couple spares for you. Based on Natasha's design. Ridiculously flexible and lightweight. Unless the hoody is your new look?" Damn it, Matt's blush had almost been gone! "Ok good. Glad that's decided. Now which fabric do you like better? They're both charcoal."  
One week later Matt stepped out of the car sent by Tony and slowly unsnapped his cane as he took in the swirl of voices before him. Reporters and gawkers lined an actual red carpet leading into the event. He took a deep breath and began working his way up the steps, doing his best to avoid the ornate gowns and other obstacles. He had only taken a few steps when he heard someone moving quickly behind him, calling his name. It was the limo chauffeur. He introduced himself as Mike and then lead the blind man inside. Mike parked him at the bar and disappeared.  
Matt was a little overwhelmed. He was glad Tony explained things during their first meeting. Three supposedly knife, bullet, and tiger-proof Daredevil suits, which Foggy confirmed looked identical or nearly so to the one Melvin made, and two bespoke suits, one in charcoal and the other a slightly lighter gray, arrived at Matt's apartment yesterday. Foggy had him model everything, and although his voice was mostly normal, Foggy's heartbeat was all over the place. He recommended the lighter suit for court and the darker for tonight. The armour he suggested for Halloween and fetish night at a local bar. The first payment from the bank also posted to their account. It was a dizzying display of wealth and generosity for two broke lawyers.  
Matt didn't have much time to fidget before he was found by Pepper Potts. She smelled amazing and had a cultured, warm, sweet voice. She gave him a firm handshake and with delicate hands. It was easy to understand why a man who introduced himself as a Playboy had fallen for her.  
"Mr Murdock it is such a pleasure to finally meet you" she said clearly, before leaning forward to whisper in his ear. "Tony is awful tonight. Do you want to escape?" Matt was surprised by the offer, and it showed. "I know what he told you, but you don't have to play along. You fulfilled the contract just by showing up." Matt listened more carefully to the voices around him until he identified Tony Stark's. His voice had a manic quality to it as he sent forth a line of borderline harassment at someone. Matt grinned at the woman before him.  
"Ms. Potts, I could never resist a challenge. Send me in." He whispered back.  
"I can see why he likes you Mr. Murdock."  
Matt laughed outright, and ignored Pepper's tiny hum of approval. "Call me Matt."  
It was apparent when the billionaire caught sight of them by the loud wolf whistle.  
"Pepper you always bring me the best presents!" He leered. Pepper rolled her eyes."Tony, you remember Matt Murdock of Nelson and Murdock?" The lawyer gently freed himself from her and settled his hands on the grip of his cane. He gave Tony his best flirtatious look and was rewarded by startled body language.  
"I hope you didn't forget me as soon as I put my clothes back on." He simpered. Matt could hear the people around them react with surprise and close in, hoping to overhear more. His lips twitched in amusement as he kept his full attention on the man in front of him. Tony recovered quickly and smiled broadly at his guest. He swaggered up to the blind man, and leaned in, intimately close.  
"You sure you're game is ready for the big leagues, Lollipop?" Matt choked his laugh down and turned his head so their lips were just inches apart.  
"Oh Tony" he cooed, batting his eyes. "Why don't you show me how you play it?" Tony was delighted by this unexpected development. He towed his friend to a more private corner and said so.  
"I gotta admit I'm surprised by your attitude after your blushing virgin thing before. I expected you to tap-out before we even got started." Matt leaned against the wall and smirked at the other man. Tony was practically vibrating with hope and glee in equal measure.  
"Well, I thought about what you said in the car. I've been making judgements about you but I don't really know you at all." He fiddled with his cane a little and smiled a little shyly. "At the gym I was just, well, completely unprepared."  
"We came on to you like jackals in heat." Tony said matter-of-factly. "You were feeling vulnerable and exposed and six occasional co-workers verbally molested you." Matt gave a shocked laugh and Tony continued. "I knew who you were before you left the gym. The facial recognition software in my suit is automatic. Then the background stuff popped up and. You're a genuine nice guy." Matt scoffed but Tony rolled right over it. "You are. Your firm does more pro bono than is financially wise, and they're not sexy cases. You're not taking them to get noticed, you just want to help. You are a Catholic. A real, church going, tithe giving catholic, which I didn't think existed anymore. You are name checked on Facebook by people in your neighborhood for all the nice shit you do. 'That nice Mr. Murdock helped carry my groceries again. Watered my plants again. Walked me to church again.'" he warbled in an imitation of an old lady. He leaned away from Matt and sighed. "I felt bad, ok? Pepper explained I sexually harassed a coworker and then invaded his privacy and still asked for a free pass to bump uglies and that was not acceptable behavior. And THEN she looked deeper into the Fisk deal and how that traced back to me." Matt observed his host, who was now hunched in on himself, good mood forgotten. That wouldn't do. He tapped the other man's leg a little sharply with his cane.  
"First of all, you're Iron Man. I was very confident you knew who I was or would shortly when you saw my face. You're well-known for trampling all over privacy restrictions so I can't say I'm surprised you looked me up." He paused for a moment. "Discomfited but not surprised. I am disturbed by the whole Facebook thing but I'll just include it in my serenity prayer, I guess." Tony snorted. "You've already made amends for the construction fiasco, and you have safeguards in place to prevent similar mistakes in the future. I do, quite sincerely appreciate your apology for the uh, reveal." His companion perked up again. "I forgive you. I already forgave you. I wouldn't be here if I hadn't, contract or no." Matt relaxed against the wall again and smiled at his friend. "So how do you want to play this game?"  
Tony clapped his hands together and bounced on his feet. "Classic rules. Innuendo only. Hands above the waist, no dirty words, no snark about past lovers. If you don't want to play anymore say 'well it's getting late.' That's our safe word. Unless you'd prefer a different word or phrase?"  
Matt blinked. "You have actual rules."  
Tony winked and said lasciviously "I told you kid. Big leagues."  
Matt laughed and offered his arm to the billionaire, who lead them back to the party. "I'll try not to wash out."  
Tony waited until they were surrounded by curious eavesdroppers and replied "Don't worry. You want to be the catcher or the pitcher first?" He asked casually, looking around for champagne. A waiter materialized with two glasses.  
"Well I haven't played with balls since I was blinded." Matt managed to choke out. He took a large gulp of excellent champagne and worked on a comeback. "I prefer Wrestling now. I like to keep my hands on my opponent."  
"I noticed that during our last meeting." Tony purred. "You have a very firm grip."  
"Maybe you're just easy to pin." Matt fired back. He heard the excited whispers from the peanut gallery of celebrities around them and took another drink. His empty glass was immediately replaced.  
"Hmm. Maybe I just like the sounds you make while you hold me down."  
Matt laughed and nearly choked on his second glass of champagne. Tony took pity on him and grabbed him some canapes.  
Over an hour later Matt knew he was not ready for the big leagues. Stark was lightning fast, firing off responses to the younger man's salvos without pause. He also wasn't handicapped by the lewd conversations swirling around them. It was distracting, to say the least. They were both enjoying themselves immensely, but after snorting his drink the second time, the lawyer admitted defeat. "Well, it's getting late." He sighed to his friend. Tony's posture changed subtly, becoming less intense. "I had an amazing evening though."  
"Let me walk you out." He insisted, magnanimous in victory. Matt acquiesced easily. They shared a companionable ride in the elevator, but they were both startled by Thor's appearance as they stepped out.  
"Thor!" Tony greeted him. "I didn't know you were coming to the shindig. I would've dressed you up like Law-licious here." He pulled the three of them into an alcove of the lobby so they could talk.  
"And he is indeed beautifully arrayed, much like yourself!" The billionaire preened under the praise. "I am not attending the festivities, but I wanted to present our friend with a token of my ardor." Thor tried to give Matt a gift bag, which was promptly refused.  
"You stopped by to give my date a gift?" Tony asked indignantly. Then he hesitated and said "Wait. Let's do this in the car." The three men stood silently. Matt looked embarrassed, amused, and appalled in turns. The limo arrived and they piled in. As soon as the door was shut Stark announced "Token of ardor. Let's see it." Thor proudly revealed his gift. "Wow. That's uh, wow." Tony needed a second to compose himself. "You dropped by to offer Daredevil a giant pink dildo. With your face on it." He leaned towards his other guest, who was resolutely facing the window. "Thor is offering you a schlong with his face on it." There was no reaction from the lawyer. None. Back to the Norse alien party crasher. "How do you have a rubber wang with your face on it?"  
Thor was still holding the huge fake penis aloft, apparently admiring the craftsmanship. "I am the god of fertility as well, Tony. Phalli have been popular offerings for generations."  
"Huh. Hey, have you spoken to Jane about this?" He asked. Thor frowned.  
"About my duties as a fertility god?"  
"No! No. About offering dildo tokens to people other than her."  
"I have not." Thor seemed surprised by the question. "Is that customary?"  
"Absolutely!" Tony sounded relieved. "She's special to you, right?" Thor nodded solemnly. "Then before you pursue anyone else amorously you get her permission. I mean, imagine how you'd feel if you saw her giving a silicone dick to a co-worker?" The dildo broke with an unpleasant ripping noise. "Yeah, exactly. Thank God I was here to explain this to you. Go tell Jane you want to knock boots with a guy you've only met, during battle, what-twice? Three times? And be sure to tell her about the sex toy industry. Ok?"  
"Tony Stark, I owe you my thanks." Thor shoved the mangled toy back in the bag and offered his hand to his friend. Tony rapidly flapped his hands in a no problem motion, avoiding the grip. "Once again you have prevented me from stumbling on another Midgardian custom." He turned as if to speak with Daredevil, but Tony stopped him.  
"Give him a some time." He said in a low voice. "It's a lot to take in." He then gestured to the driver, who pulled over, jumped out and opened the door. "No time like the present! Go get her!" Tony then pushed the confused fertility god out onto the street and firmly shut the door. And locked it. Only when the car started moving again did he look over at Matt. His shoulders were shivering. "Hey. Uh. Sorry about that. I'll send him to Pepper if Jane doesn't uh, clarify things enough. You ok?" Matt finally turned from the window, still chortling silently. Tony heaved a huge sigh of relief.  
"It had his-his" Matt choked out.  
"Hey, I had to see it! No reminders needed! It's burned into my memory now, asshole."  
Tony was only too happy to kick his last, still cackling, passenger out (this time at his actual destination) and head home. He had an entire line of Iron Man Marital Aides to create.  
~~~~  
2 (THOR) Frank casually slapped Daredevil's face before stepping back. He surveyed his work and decided it would hold long enough. Horseshoe-sized bolts trapped each wrist and ankle to the top of the water tower.  
"You with me Red?" he sounded almost cheerful. The smaller man groaned through his gag and moved feebly. "Yeah, sorry about the tranq Red." Frank was not sorry. "I need to finish this hunt tonight and you've been a real pain in the ass lately. I'll check on you when I'm done." Red shook his head and seemed to come alive a bit more as Frank began lowering himself from the tower. "You'll be safe enough til I get back. Can't even get up here without a grappling line and only sight line is open sky." He ziplined to the next building and snorted again as he stalked away. "Get some rest alterboy."  
Matt didn't have much choice. His struggles, such as they were, verified that he had been restrained by an expert. He was exhausted by the drug, and couldn't even bend his knees or elbows. The water tower must have been really high, because Matt couldn't hear anything from the streets. He wasn't even certain he was still in Hell's Kitchen. The wind currents around him shredded sounds and smells into an almost peaceful white noise. He wasn't comfortable exactly, but it was the closest he'd been in awhile, and bizarrely enough given the situation, Daredevil trusted Frank. If The Punisher said he was going to be released unharmed, that's what was going to happen. Matt was awakened from his light doze when large boots landed with a boom next to his head. Daredevil automatically tried to roll away, belatedly remembering his compromised position. He relaxed slightly when he recognized the person as Thor, but not for long. The giant man sat right next to him, staring at him for a long minute before heaving a sad sigh and setting his very large and very warm hand on Matt's thigh.  
"Ngor?!!" Daredevil spluttered through his gag.  
"Daredevil." Thor started and then stopped. He patted the firm armour-clad thigh under his hand. "Matthew. Forgive me. I almost did not stop when I saw your wanton offering. As much as it delights me to know that my admiration is returned, I am afraid I cannot offer you my affections." Thor looked around and slid his hand down the leather clad leg to the restraint at his ankle. The Avenger toyed with the bolt for a minute and then sat back with a reluctant sigh. "You took such care in your preparations. Truly this is a most tempting carnal sacrifice to me."  
"Io glor ghiflu!" Daredevil growled, jerking at his bonds. Thor patted his thigh again, feeling the muscles twitch as the man squirmed next to him.  
"No friend it is not you. Your desire for me is evident in the secluded platform you selected to guarantee our lusts could be sated without interruption. You positioned yourself where no other might find you, spread out like a delectable juicy feast for my eyes alone. Writhing so wantonly under my hand. In times past I would have gladly ravished you here on this altar, ripping your bonds ands claiming your body."  
"Gluh? Io wa gah agheuh!" his would-be lover gasped.  
"It cannot be." Thor replied sternly. "Jane has forbidden it." He squeezed Matt's thigh meaningfully and continued. "I told her we could share. She could place the perfect flower of her womanhood over your glorious lips even as I buried myself between your thighs." Thor looked away at the squeaking noises coming from those lips now. "I described your beautiful, panting face as I bent you over her lap, gripped your magnificent rounded buttocks and thrust my way to completion but she was not swayed." Daredevil was silent and still now, staring blankly in Thor's direction. What little of his face could be seen was as red as his suit. "I may not even use your hands, nor your tongue, nor allow any part of you to satisfy my lust." Thor looked at Daredevil's stricken face and then clapped his thigh once more before standing up and sliding his hands on the hilt of his hammer. "Do not tempt me in this way again. I have made promises to Jane and I will keep my word. Are you still willing to fight beside me, knowing you will never be seated upon my princely staff and ridden to ecstasy?" Thor stared at Daredevil until he received a single jerky nod. The Asgardian's shoulders eased, and he gave his fellow warrior a small smile. "I should not have doubted. I understand this rejection is not something you wish to share. We will not speak of this again." He began to spin Mjolnir and took off with a quiet (for Thor) "Farewell, Friend."  
Matt let his head thump against the water tower again. He'd thwacked it a few times during the freaky impassioned monologue but unfortunately he still heard every word. Thank God Thor hadn't descended on him in public. Daredevil thumped his head one more time and tried to drive the whole thing out of his memory.  
About 30 minutes later Frank grunted as he pulled himself up the ladder. He looked over the vigilante and then stepped forward and pulled out the gag.  
"Don't ever do this again" Daredevil growled menacingly.  
Frank huffed, thoroughly unimpressed as he began to loosen the bolts. He wouldn't free Red. That was asking for a punch to the face. He would make it possible for the other man to escape while giving Frank time to go to ground. Before descending the ladder Frank pried a small box off of the tower. Daredevil, who already had one foot free (damn that guy was bendy) froze.  
"Oh." Matt said, in a completely different voice. "Oh. Is that um.."  
"Camera." Frank confirmed, eying Red curiously. "Surprised you didn't know."  
"Um. Wind currents. Stuff." Daredevil had stopped his escape and was staring at the little box. His face was kind of slack, like Frank'd gotten in a good hit. "Umm."  
"You all right Red?" Frank could kick himself for asking. After a moment Daredevil started struggling again, growling threats and muttering vehemently to himself. Frank shrugged and made his own escape. He'd find out what had Red all worked up soon enough.  
~~~~~~  
3 (STEVE). Foggy watched with concern as Matt finished gathering his paperwork. He was twitchy and off his game. It was subtle, but the other lawyer was clearly distracted by something. "What's up buddy?" He asked under his breath. Matt replied via his computer. No one else in the courtroom noticed their clandestine conversation. It looked like Foggy was helping his partner find something in the paperwork.  
Avengers nearby  
Foggy kept his face professional. "Do they need you?" He could easily handle jury selection alone.  
No. Following me.  
Foggy sucked in a breath. Was Matt in trouble?  
Not business.  
Matt shifted, just a little. Then he added  
Every Breath You Take  
Foggy understood immediately, God bless him.  
"You are being stalked by the Avengers?" He hissed. Matt nodded, looking stressed under his polite facade.  
C Am  
B wid  
2 weeks  
Foggy turned it over in the back of his mind. Sure, his first feeling was relief. Matt wasn’t about to be SWATTED or whatever the Avengers equivalent was. Then he was a little amused, because his friend looked so embarrassed over the whole situation. Daredevil could handle thugs and mobsters, but throw a lovesick beauty at him and he was helpless. Foggy indulged himself for just a moment, and then sobered. Stuff like this happened before. Matt was just too modest about his effect on other people. After the whole super-senses thing had come out, Foggy learned his whole view of Matt as a player was wildly off-base. When Matt said he was going to bible study, or headed to the gym, Foggy thought both of those phrases meant wild sex, based on Matt’s near perfect record when hitting on someone. (Matt fell off his own stupid couch laughing when Foggy admitted his mistake. Asshole.) Turns out, he always succeeded because he only pursued someone he’d overheard expressing a genuine interest. Apparently an orphanage run by nuns did not provide someone with strong pickup skills OR a good self-image. Go figure.  
So anyhow, Foggy had been running interference for a long time. It was second nature. When creeps followed Matt at the dorm, Foggy identified them to the RA. When creeps started showing up in the courthouse, he identified them to security. Now those creeps were Avengers. Foggy could deal.  
“Where are they?” he whispered to Matt as more jurors were shuffled in and out.  
CA your 5  
BW roof next door  
Why?  
Foggy ignored the question and thought about his options. He decided a deadly assassin who harassed people from an entirely different building was out of his league, for now. Instead, he glanced back and, sure enough, there was a huge blonde man with a baseball cap crammed low onto his head, shoulders curved. It was the worst “blending in” Foggy had ever seen.  
Why? Matt messaged again, nudging his friend just slightly.  
“What’s Cap doing?” he asked, instead of answering his friend.  
Why? Matt’s lips were doing the stubborn pressed line.  
“Buddy, just trust me, and fill me in. Have I ever failed you?” Matt shifted again, probably doing that thing where he tried to protect everyone around himself by being stupid. Then he slumped, just a little, and knocked his arm into Foggy’s again. Even stubborn-ass vigilantes could learn to accept help if they were brow-beaten enough. Good to know.  
After court, Foggy and Matt headed back to the office and secluded themselves in Foggy’s office where Matt was interrogated ruthlessly and then cross examined. It was all still very quiet, nearly whispered, and as far as Foggy could tell, Karen had no idea the conversation was not work related. Sometimes it was hard to remember who was supposed to be the employee anymore. Afterwards, Foggy went straight home and started working on a plan. He texted instructions to Matt, as innocently phrased as he could, in case their phones were being monitored. It was a weird world sometimes.  
~~~~~~  
Steve watched patiently from his chosen coffee shop for his target to appear. The lawyer was somewhat irregular in his schedule, leaving late, or heading directly to court instead of the office. His target also rarely ate lunch outside of his office, making it more difficult to spot him for any length of time. Steve discovered he had the best opportunity to tail his quarry if he followed from this intersection. This particular morning Matt surprised him by leaving earlier than normal. Steve hastily gulped his coffee and gathered up his sketchpad, fumbling as he tried to pick up everything at once. Just as he was ready to dart out of the shop, someone stepped directly in front of him and asked for his autograph. Steve started to stammer out an I’m-not-famous denial which died on his lips when he realized he was being cornered by the other lawyer in Matt’s firm.  
“Let’s have a seat, Cap.” Foggy smiled brightly, glee at having met his childhood hero clear in his voice. Steve angled for the door. “I will follow you shouting ‘Star-spangled man with a plan’” unless you sit down now.” Steve slumped, and then he sat. Foggy immediately slid over a Captain America frisbee, and the glum soldier sighed and signed it with the offered sharpie. Foggy chirped happily and tucked the toy away. He never stopped smiling. “This is so awesome. Ok, come on up to Matt’s place with me. We need to talk.”  
Steve tried to regain a little control. “I don’t know what--”  
“Who’s strong and brave...” The lawyer sang out, throwing in some jazz hands. Foggy had a good singing voice and he wasn’t afraid to share.  
Captain America immediately stood up and said “You said Matt’s place?” Foggy looked a little disappointed, but he stopped singing and led the way.  
Once Foggy had the Avenger sitting on Matt’s couch, he grabbed a cup of coffee from Matt’s machine and took a seat in Matt’s lumpy chair. “So. I’m Foggy Nelson, of Murdock and Nelson. Thank you for your service.” Foggy leaned forward and shook the surprised man’s hand. “You are huger in person than I expected and my God your eyes are blue. Now, can you explain why you’re stalking my best friend?”  
Steve blinked at the onslaught of words, and the general bizarre situation. “I wouldn’t say stalking.”  
Foggy shook his head sadly and offered Cap a page which listed the dates, times, and locations Matt knew he had been followed. None were in the evening when Daredevil was active. Matt Murdock was clearly the target. The Avenger looked over the list and silently handed it back. “Definitely qualifies as stalking. Of a blind man. A poor defenseless Catholic blind orphan.”  
Steve winced. He wasn’t going to out Matt as Daredevil. He finally decided the semi-truth was the best option. “I was trying to sketch him.”  
Foggy nodded. “That’s what Matt said. You were never without your art supplies. The graphite was driving him crazy.” Steve peered at him, and Foggy realized he’d left out some pertinent information. “I do know about his night job. The Devil thing. I was being sarcastic.”  
“Oh.” Cap relaxed a little bit, and Foggy realized the guy took up the entire couch when he wasn’t hunched up. Huger didn’t cover it.  
“So what are you and Black Widow really up to?” he asked. Steve looked up in surprise.  
“What? NO. I haven’t told anyone what I’m doing.” he rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s embarrassing enough.”  
“Well she’s been narrating porn featuring Hawkeye when she knows only Matt can hear her.” The two blonde men stared at each other for a minute. Steve looked gobsmacked. “He said she only does it for a few minutes at a time, when he’s already occupied.” Foggy was trying very hard to look serious. He was failing. “Day and night both. Yesterday while we were in court she apparently was going on about oral sex. In detail.” Steve was slowly turning red. “The last time he went out at night he learned about Hawkeye’s junk. In detail.” Foggy started snickering while he spoke.  
“Are you joking?” Cap asked hopefully.  
Foggy shook his head, still laughing. “No. No. It’s a problem. It is. It needs to stop. I just keep picturing Matt’s face and the way he said ‘In detail.’ ‘In detail.’” Steve had some time to think while the other man got himself back under control. “Here.” He handed Steve another page, which listed times, dates, and a generalization of topic. Steve hastily offered the paper back.  
“I honestly had no idea.” Foggy believed him. If his childhood hero looked anything, it was honest. Honest and embarrassed. “You’re right though. Our behaviour is out of line and this needs to stop.” Steve looked down at his hands and sighed. “I will have a word with Natasha and Clint, and I won’t be back.” Now his hero looked ashamed. “Should I apologize in person? Or just stay away?”  
Foggy got up to refresh his coffee, and brought his guest a bottle of water. He excused himself for a moment and sent Matt an update. He confirmed the plan was working and told Matt to stay at the office. No sneaking back home to eavesdrop.  
“Well Cap-can I call you Cap?”  
The much larger man rubbed his neck uncomfortably. “I prefer Steve.”  
Foggy tried to muffle the fanboy screaming with glee inside of himself and pursued his line of questioning.  
“Well Steve, I have to ask. Why are you all so ga-ga over my partner? Yes he’s beautiful but you see and work with some of the most incredible people on the planet. You are, well, Captain America. You could have pretty much any model or actor or whatever with a snap of your fingers. Same with Black Widow, and hell, Tony Stark! He’s had more 9’s and 10’s in his life than I can imagine, but he still put on a big show for Matt. Can you explain this for me?”  
Steve blinked at the cheerful lawyer, whose rapid-fire chattering reminded him of Tony, and processed the question.  
“You’re asking why we like your best friend?” he clarified.  
“No. I get why you like Matt. 90% of New York gets why you like Matt. He’s handsome and polite and charming. He’s intelligent, hilarious, and he has the whole wounded vulnerable-” Foggy managed to stop himself from waxing poetic about one of his favorite topics and redirected. “My point is this: you are all beautiful people with a wide range of equally beautiful people to choose from. Why are you all so focused on this one particular beautiful person you barely know?”  
“We know each other fairly well.” Steve argued.  
“Ha. You know Daredevil fairly well. You’ve never even met Matt.”  
“Matt is Daredevil.” Steve insisted.  
Foggy glared at Steve, his hero-worship suddenly washed away with anger. “No he isn’t. If you knew who you were chasing you would get that. Daredevil is a violent vigilante who scares the people he rescues. He’s grim and predatory. Matt is...well, he’s sweet. He makes weird nerdy jokes and bad blind puns and honestly likes church. He listens to every word you say like you’re important. That’s Matt Murdock.”  
Steve thought it over. Why was he so interested in the lawyer, and not the vigilante?  
“It’s the confidence, I think.” he finally ventured. “Daredevil is absolutely certain he’s doing the right thing, and I can see better when he isn’t in uniform. The certainty is there for both of them.” Foggy nodded grudgingly but didn’t interrupt. “He knows why he’s fighting, every time.”  
“Well yeah, that seems to be a superhero thing. You all have that.” Foggy offered. Steve was shaking his head before the other man had even finished the sentence.  
“No, we really don’t. At some point every single Avenger placed their faith in a command structure and it failed them. Bruce thought he was working on a cure, but his superiors really wanted a weapon. Tony was betrayed by a man he thought of as family. Nat and Clint both joined Shield because they believed in it, and so did I. And then Shield turned out to be Hydra. Who knows how many missions we ran were legitimate?” Steve snorted softly to himself. “Sam fights every day to help injured vets, and every day he gets strung up with red tape.”  
Foggy absorbed the sorrow and disillusionment, turning it over in his mind. “So to you Matt is--”  
“He’s innocent.” Steve looked up from staring at his hands to smile crookedly. “He’s never hurt someone and then wondered if it was the right thing to do.” He sat back again, a little surprised. “He reminds me of me, before the war. When I always knew why I was hitting someone.”  
“Wow.” Foggy was shocked. “Wow” he said again. He looked the other man over more carefully, thinking about his words. Abruptly he came to a conclusion. “Ok. We are going to have to investigate this thoroughly.”  
Steve looked up curiously. “What?”  
“Well, obviously.” Foggy shrugged. “We are going to spend the day comparing you and Matt. You’re other completely wrong about who he is, in which case we burst your daydream bubble and send you on your way, or you’re right, and we need to hang out more.”  
~~~~~~~~  
Matt approached his building with trepidation, the bags of supplies heavy in one hand and his cane in the other. Karen had decreed the paperwork for several cases be completed before he could leave. She was muttering ominously about ways to make up for their poor work habits when he left shortly after lunch. He was a little afraid and definitely coming in early tomorrow. Meanwhile, Foggy kept calling him, making announcements, and hanging up. Stuff like “Irish and Catholic!” or “Dirt poor single parent household Matty--oh my God how did I not see this before?” Then the list of instructions Matt was now dutifully completing. With a sigh, Matt set down his groceries so he could make a call.  
“I can hear you now.” He said in a monotone voice. Foggy’s voice bounced in a slightly out-of-sync echo as he heard it from his window and from the phone.  
“OK buddy. See you in a few.” Matt picked up his groceries again and finished walking home, listening absently to the conversation between Foggy and Captain America. They sounded like old friends. Matt firmly suppressed the twinge of jealousy and opened his door. Cap was at his side almost immediately, relieving Matt of the bag and thanking him for the errands. Matt stood, nonplussed, as Foggy and Cap set up the bottles in his kitchen, opened the packages of pasta and sauce and started assembling dinner. Then Foggy nudged Cap and he returned to Matt, holding out his hand.  
“All right, I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot, and I’d like to start over. I’m Steve Rogers. I understand we have a lot in common.” Steve said as he firmly shook Matt’s hand. Matt considered the two men, and then he smiled, shoulders loosening.  
“Did Foggy make you say that?” he asked.  
Steve laughed. “Word for word. And now he going to try and get me drunk.”  
“Ah! That explains the eel juice!” Matt exclaimed. “I was terrified to imagine what we were going to do with a six pack of the deadliest hooch in Hell’s Kitchen.”  
“Matt, go change into something comfortable.” Foggy ordered from the kitchen. “We’re bonding tonite over cheap booze and carbs.”  
What else could he do but obey? Matt excused himself and headed towards his bedroom. It looked like he was in for an interesting evening.  
Matt was awakened by his phone chanting “Karen Karen Karen” for the third time in 5 minutes. He was laying on the floor, with his feet on the couch. Or rather, on Foggy, who was on the couch. His shower was running, and Matt assumed Steve was taking a shower. He couldn’t focus enough through the pounding headache to be sure. Foggy’s phone began to ring from somewhere in the kitchen. Foggy moaned. “Karen Karen Karen” started up again from Matt’s room, and he began to drag himself towards it.  
“Oh hey Matt” Steve said cheerfully as he stepped out of the bathroom. “Let me get that for you.” The larger man appeared to be dressed, and far too awake. He handed Matt the phone. “It’s been ringing for awhile. I hope everything’s OK.”  
“S’not” Foggy groaned. “Karen’ll...” the sentenced trailed into another groan. Steve snorted and wandered into the kitchen to find Foggy’s phone. Matt struggled with himself and his phone until he managed to make the call. “Are you wearing Matt’s clothes?” he heard Foggy ask. “Oh God you can’t go home like that.” Steve laughed (too, too awake and HAPPY) but Matt missed the rest because Karen was suddenly hissing in his ear.  
“Uh” he started.  
“You will be here in 15 minutes.” her voice was steely, low, and wrathful. Matt jolted as nun-trained obedience to that tone sat him upright. “Foggy will be with you.”  
“Karen-” he tried weakly.  
“Are you dying? Is he?” she demanded.  
“Well-” he whimpered.  
“15 minutes Matthew or there will be hell to pay.” she hung up. 30 seconds later Foggy’s phone rang and the ‘conversation’ repeated. The scent of strong black coffee and bacon helped Matt stumble into his bathroom for the world’s quickest shower, bumping into Foggy as he exited. They moaned in communal misery.  
Steve, as the only able-bodied person in the apartment, took charge. He helped them get their shirts on right-side out, knotted their ties, handed them each bacon and toast, and walked with them part of the way, holding their coffees for them until their hands were empty. He was a godsend. Steve sent them on their way, reminding them to text when they recovered, and then jogged off to do his own thing.  
“What did we even do last night?” Matt whined as they started up the steps to work.  
“I remember some sort of hand stand contest.” Foggy offered.  
“Is he wearing my clothes?” Matt asked, abruptly remembering the overheard conversation.  
“Nah, laundered his. Thank God I keep some at your place.” Foggy replied. “4 bottles of eel couldn’t even wrinkle his clothes Matt.”  
Matt and Foggy stopped speaking as they approached the door to the office. A palpable sensation of doom hung over the hallway, growing stronger the closer they came. They both took a fortifying breath, and then Matt plastered his best apologetic smile on his face and opened the door.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
4 (NATASHA AND CLINT)  
Daredevil scaled the fire escape to the roof, full of adrenaline after the fight. He grinned as he heard Hawkeye and Steve both scoff as he added a few unnecessary maneuvers just for fun. Resting on the edge of his chosen roof, Matt listened as the the other men finished mopping up. He was a little surprised to hear Black Widow on the roof next door. She hadn’t joined in the fight, and appeared to be lurking quietly as she began (he suspected) a text conversation with Hawkeye below. Shortly afterwards Steve headed out, but Hawkeye climbed up and sat next to Daredevil. The air was brisk, for the first time in weeks, and Daredevil was grateful for the insulation of his suit.  
Black Widow had ceased her harassment about a month ago, shortly after Foggy’s meeting with Steve. She hadn’t worked with Daredevil in the meantime, but she had been in Hell’s Kitchen. Widow had a distressingly good grasp of his auditory range and she was stealthy, but he scented her on rare occasions when the wind changed suddenly. Never for long, as she also seemed for possess a sixth sense to know when she’d been discovered. Surprisingly to Matt, her strange soliloquies on Hawkeye had not interfered with the working relationship between the two men. The archer had been in Hell’s Kitchen almost daily, seeking out leads on the Russian Mafia. Daredevil kept an ear out and met with Clint often to pass on information. Hawkeye had no brain-to-mouth filter. He was sarcastic, smart, and funny. They made a good team.  
Matt let Clint get comfortable, and then gestured towards the other roof. “I see you brought your little spider again tonight.”  
Clint snorted. “Don’t let her hear you say that ever.” He squinted in the right direction and appeared to spot her instantly. They had a lively gestured conversation of some sort, during which Hawkeye became more animated and excited. It concluded with Widow slinking out to a better vantage point, while the archer turned to Daredevil.  
“Natasha’s ace.” he announced, much to Matt’s surprise. “Asexual. Uninterested in physical intimacy--”  
“I know what ace means, Hawkeye!” Daredevil interrupted. “I just have no idea why you’re announcing this to me.”  
“Oh!” Hawkeye seemed surprised Daredevil hadn’t guessed where the conversation was heading but forged on. “So ‘tash doesn’t enjoy the deed, but she still likes to watch people she knows get it on.”  
“Uh huh?”  
“Yeah. She likes to watch. People she knows. Like me and you. Making out. Like we could make out now? And she could watch? And we could have awesome sex/making out time? Now?”  
Daredevil felt his jaw drop just a little more as each snippet left Hawkeye’s mouth, until he realized some sort of response was expected.  
“You want to make out with me while the Black Widow watches?” Clint was nodding, bouncing a little.  
“Now?” he repeated hopefully. Daredevil hesitated, and Clint grew more confident when he wasn’t immediately shut down. “Does it need to be a dare? I can absolutely double dog dare you.”  
Matt grinned. Clint’s interest was obvious, and with all the ‘background’ Widow had provided, it was a definite turn-on. “Well if it’s a dare-” he laughed.  
Clint gave Natasha a thumbs up, and then confidently reached for Daredevil’s face.  
“The mask stays on outside.” Matt warned. Hawkeye made an accepting noise before smashing their faces together. His forehead somehow smacked Matt’s face before their lips came anywhere close. Only Daredevil’s mask saved the vigilante from a broken nose.  
“What the fuck Hawkeye?” he gasped, reeling away. He could hear Natasha let out a disappointed sigh. It was oddly arousing despite the throbbing in his face. Clint was rubbing his head but otherwise seemed completely unaffected by the near fail.  
“Ok, that was just a practice round.” The archer announced. “Doesn’t count.” He bounced up and followed the other man a few feet away from the edge. “You going to tap out or go again?” Clint asked.  
Matt grumbled to himself. Really, how was he supposed to resist this situation. “Stand still.” he commanded Hawkeye, and wonders of wonders, the other man obeyed. Daredevil placed his hands on Clint’s shoulders and slowly leaned in for a kiss. He could hear Hawkeye’s lashes as his eyes fluttered shut as he gave himself into Daredevil’s control. The kiss started gently, chastely, delightfully. Their lips and skin slid together, friction growing, and the two men leaned into one another. Matt felt Clint’s tongue eagerly seek entrance and then-  
“Gah!” Matt exclaimed, breaking their kiss and leaning away, coughing a little. “Would it kill you to brush your teeth?”  
Clint gaped at him. “It can’t be that---”  
“Did you lick a dog?” the vigilante demanded.  
“Uh..”  
“Salmon pizza? And you did lick a dog. Oh good God.” Daredevil appeared honestly shocked, like he couldn’t believe what his senses were telling him.  
Hawkeye regrouped. “Look. It was sushi pizza in the presence of a very enthusiastic dog and no it was not a good idea. I admit this. Bad idea. Very bad idea.”  
Daredevil was still shaking his head. Black Widow was gesturing at Clint again, and the archer regrouped.  
“One more try?” he asked hopefully. The vigilante stepped back.  
“I’m not kissing you again.” he said flatly. Clint stepped forward, on a mission.  
“I’ll blow you.” he offered.  
“What?”  
“I’ll blow you. No kiss needed.”  
“Clint that’s--”  
Hawkeye stopped whatever Daredevil intended to say by sinking to his knees in front of the other man. He looked up with a smirk.  
“Let’s make a deal.” he challenged. “If it’s no good, you tell me to stop, and we’re done. We move on to platonic cuddle buddies.”  
“Okay?” Daredevil asked. Despite the horrible sensory experience of the kiss, this offer was...interesting.  
“Awesome!” Clint cheered. He then demonstrated uncomfortable familiarity with Daredevil’s suit by quickly unfastening it and pulling out Matt’s dick. Matt barely had time to register the uncomfortable chill in the air before Hawkeye swallowed him down.  
“Glah!” Daredevil exclaimed. He could hear Black Widow’s satisfied hum as she watched from the other roof and smell Hawkeye’s own arousal. He flailed his hands a little before settling them on Clint’s shoulders, and then gave himself over to the sensation. The other man’s hot mouth and skilled tongue had him at their mercy. Matt felt pleasure building, cresting-  
An icy hand, colder than the frigid claw of death herself, clenched on his balls.  
Daredevil yodeled, there was no other word for it. He vibrated in place as contesting instincts to Leap Away! and Avoid Castration! ripped through him. Clint, apparently startled by his partner’s siren like wail and valiant attempt to exist in multiple dimensions at one time, shoved himself away.  
Hawkeye tripped over his own unbelted pants and fell backwards over the edge of the roof.  
Daredevil threw himself towards his friend, even as his senses confirmed Hawkeye’s heartbeat was still strong. Widow gave a relieved laugh, and Daredevil realized the archer was only feet below the edge, dangling from pants which had managed to snag on an outcrop. The vigilante tucked himself away and began untangling Hawkeye and dragging him up to safety.  
They regrouped at Matt’s place. Matt and Clint stumbled down the stairs from the roof to find Black Widow already comfortable on the couch. Matt sighed and pulled off his mask before walking into his room for a shower.  
“I’ve already called in dinner!” she called to his retreating back, completely unphased by his lack of greeting. When Matt came back out, she handed a gym bag to Clint and told him to shower as well. He did as he was told. She turned her attention back to Matt. It was intense.  
“We are now platonic cuddle buddies.” she announced. It was an immutable fact, like gravity.  
“Okay.” he said softly. The disaster on the roof had cured him of sexual desire, at least for now.  
“We are going to eat comfort food and ice cream, cuddle on the couch to Fantasia, and sleep in your bed tonight. If you get an erection at any point, take yourself to the bathroom and deal with it. Questions?”  
“No ma’am.” he said with a smile.  
“Natasha.” she replied. Matt ducked his head shyly, and then let her bully him into the perfect position on the couch. When Clint came out she directed him to start the movie and to answer the door when the food came. Clint seemed just as zen and satisfied with the situation, which surprised Matt. Natasha noticed, an whispered into his ear.  
“He knows sex is good but friends are better.”  
~~~~~  
Karen’s determined voice calling his name and loud knock awakened Matt the next morning. He tried to get up, only to realize he was still on the couch and Natasha was sleeping on top of him. She somehow increased her weight when asleep, like a cat, and had him almost completely immobile. Matt heard Clint stumble from the bedroom mumbling, and open the door.  
“Oh!” Karen sounded surprised. She remained at the door, not speaking. Clint leaned against the doorframe awkwardly, rubbing his eyes.  
“Can I help you?” he yawned. Karen remained uncharacteristically silent and flustered. Matt struggled again to rise. He failed, but Natasha deigned to lift her head and survey the doorway.  
“Clothes, Clint.” she called calmly. Hawkeye let out a tiny “aww, pants, nooo” before stumbling back to the bedroom, leaving the door open.  
“That...that was Hawkeye.” Karen gasped. She spotted Natasha and gasped again. “Oh my God!”  
“Ms. Widow, I-wow!” she stuttered breathlessly. Natasha stretched, watching the other woman.  
“You are?” Natasha finally asked, amusement in her voice.  
“Oh!” Karen giggled and stepped forward and introduced herself. In doing so she finally caught sight of Matt, pinned underneath the redhead, and her whole demeanor changed.  
“Matthew Michael Murdock.” Karen glared. Matt was startled. What had he done now?  
“Are you even trying anymore?” she growled. Natasha slowly peeled away, content to watch the situation with interest from the kitchen while she made coffee.  
“What?” Matt whined.  
“How stupid am I supposed to be? I get I’m not supposed to know in case I’m subpoenaed but damn it Matt I’d have to be stupid enough move to Hollywood and become a heroine junky. Would it kill you to put in a little effort?” she hissed.  
“What?” Matt tried again.  
“Ugh!” Karen whirled and stomped away.  
“Daredevil has threesomes with Avengers, not Matt Murdock you idiot!” Matt stared at her in shock.  
“Don’t ask don’t tell is only going to get us so far when Daredevil is unmasked some day. How am I supposed to pretend I don’t know when you rub it in my face?” she snarled. Natasha was laughing to herself, presumably at the look on Matt’s face.  
“He didn’t think you knew.” she chortled. Karen sent the other woman a startled look and then became truly incensed.  
“How stupid do you think I am? Your excuses are pathetic! You never have alibis! Your mask doesn’t even cover your face!” She screamed under her breath. Matt flinched with every exclamation. Karen took several deep breaths and suddenly had herself under complete, icy control. It was frightening.  
“You have an 9:00am with the Hernandes’ custody case.” She reminded him cooly. “I came by to see if you wanted to go to breakfast first but you didn’t answer, you didn’t respond when I knocked.” Karen walked calmly to the door. “Don’t. be.late.” With that, she walked out, closing the door quietly behind her.  
“Oh, I LIKE her.” Natasha purred. Clint was snoring in his bedroom. Matt pulled himself off the couch and grabbed a cup of coffee before trudging off to get ready. Natasha laughed at him the whole time.  
~~~~~~~~~~  
5 (SAM)  
Matt managed to beat Karen to the office. Hopefully she was buying herself a soothing herbal tea or something. The Hernandes’ weren’t expected for another hour. Matt barricaded himself in his office, picked up the Stark-secured landline, and called Foggy.  
“I’m up I won’t be late I’m up-” Foggy huffed into the phone.  
“Karen knows!” Matt interrupted him. There was a beat of silence.  
“Is she mad?” Foggy asked timidly.  
“She wants to become a junkie and sell all our secrets for a hit.” he replied miserably. “She’s beyond mad.”  
“How did she find out? Oh my God did you get ninja’d again? Wait, ninja’d at the office? Oh My God!” Foggy wailed into the phone. “I’m coming. Don’t die.” Foggy hung up before Matt could get in a word. The phone rang almost immediately.  
“You’re injured?” Steve asked in his Captain America voice.  
“What? No!” Matt replied, becoming a little hysterical as he heard Karen approach the building. “Did Foggy call you?”  
“He said not to believe you and you were bleeding out at the office.”  
Matt groped desperately for control.  
“Karen found out and she’s going to kill me, but I’m not bleeding yet.” he finally replied.  
“Of course she knows.” Steve sounded startled, but no longer alarmed. “You never have an alibi and your mask doesn’t even cover your face.”  
Matt groaned, grinding the phone into his head. “I didn’t think she knew.”  
Steve let out a slow breath. “And you told her that?”  
“Natasha did.”  
Steve made a startled sound, and was quiet. Matt listened to the sound of Foggy flinging himself from a taxi at the building door and running inside. “You’re a dead man Matt.” Steve finally replied. Matt hung up.  
Foggy and Karen entered the office at the same time, Foggy’s questions already squelched under her cloud of intense, icy rage. She gestured Foggy into Matt’s office with glacial courtesy, shut the door, and went to her own desk.  
“Karen’s known from the beginning.” Matt blurted to his friend. “I never have an alibi and my mask doesn’t even cover my face.” Foggy made an inarticulate noise and sank into a chair.  
“The lies. All the lies.” He moans. “No wonder she hates us.”  
“She doesn’t care about that.” Matt’s voice is muffled as he lays it on the desk. “She’s angry because I thought she fell for the lies.” Foggy laid his head on the desk as well. They sat that way, miserable and unmoving, mental faculties circling around the problem. Karen finished them off fifteen minutes later by cooly announcing she was ill and would be all week, before walking out the door.  
“We have to fix this.” Foggy finally declared into the desk. Matt nodded, his glasses making a weird sound against the wood.  
“Karen owns us Foggy.” he whispered. “When did that happen?”  
“I don’t know Matt.” the other man replied. He thought a moment, and then swore to himself. “Do you have any idea what’s on our schedule for the week?” Matt miserably shook his head. “Where our documents are? Appointments? Anything.” They knew nothing. Both men had become accustomed to Karen managing their busy workflow, making everything appear when it was needed and disappear when it was finished.  
The day was awful. Foggy found the email Karen had sent weeks ago explaining the online calendar, but it was chock-full and kept changing. Matt finally realized new data was being entered from somewhere. Their spirits raised when they thought Karen was helping them from home, but Foggy eventually realized it was the work of their answering service. Neither of them even remembered having an answering service, but the information was included in another old email from Karen. Apparently they had an answering service which made and received calls on their behalf to set up court dates, client meetings, and all the other necessities. They were incredibly busy now and every minute of the day was managed.  
The Hernandes meeting was embarrassing. Neither lawyer was prepared, and they ended up stumbling through questions and repeating each other. Fortunately Karen had laid out the paperwork for them the night before, as she always did, including their notes, so they at least knew why they were in a meeting in the first place. They were finally able to accomplish the goal, only to discover they were now late for the next appointment. Foggy spent an hour trying to enter notifications into his phone only to be chastised at the courthouse for its constant noise.  
The next day, when they arrived at the office to no Karen, it was worse. The documents were ready, thanks to the Paralegal team she (they?) had hired, but they had to spend the morning sorting through everything, which made them late to every appointment afterwards. There was no Karen to tease them about it or bring them coffee or move the appointments. She was sorely missed.  
Both men groveled. Matt sent a balloon bouquet and Foggy sent flowers. Nelson and Murdock sent a wine and appetizer basket followed by an arrangement of chocolates. Matt called Tony for suggestions, after which Karen was booked at Pepper’s favorite spa for the weekend. In exchange, Karen called and assured Foggy he, at least, was off her shitlist and could count on her return to work.  
On Monday they were ready. Karen arrived to work, relaxed after her weekend, to find the day cleared of appointments. The lawyers ushered her into the conference room and shut the door. There was a document on the table, along with gourmet coffee and a fruit bouquet thing. Karen was impressed. She sat, and both men followed.  
“First Karen, allow me to apologize.” Matt began, as he filled a plate for her. “I never intended to impugn your intelligence. I have only the utmost respect for you.” Foggy nodded along as he fixed her coffee and placed it before her.  
“We have both been remiss.” Foggy picked up seamlessly. “We’ve been taking you for granted, and that stops now.” He nodded to the documents. “This is a new employment contract. Your old one is for a secretary, and it obviously is out of date.” Karen looked towards the documents, and smirked as she read suggestions for her new job title, including ‘Benevolent Ruler.’  
“Take your time and read it over.” Matt said sincerely. “We both want you with us long-term.”  
Karen smiled sweetly at her friends. “Thank you. I’ll ask Marci to go over this with me.” Both men visibly flinched.  
“Good-” Foggy cleared his throat and tried again. “Good idea.” Matt took a deep breath, and kept going with the agenda.  
“We are a team, and we want to demonstrate that outside this office. There are several Whole Package fundraisers on the horizon. Originally I intended to give my regrets, but now I would love to attend them with you both. Foggy has agreed.” Karen perked up visibly at the idea.  
“You know,” Foggy said in a very fake casual voice “it’s possible Daredevil could be fighting crime while we are all very much in attendance at these fancy parties.” Matt was nodding while Karen looked suspiciously back and forth.  
“Yes” he agreed in the same fake enthusiastic tone. “I would not be surprised at all if Daredevil did some sort of highly visible action, probably filmed by news crews, while we three were within sight of various government officials.”  
“Being very much not involved.” Foggy added firmly. Karen struggled to keep the obvious questions to herself while the lawyer play-acted their way through plausible deniability.  
“You know Karen” Matt said, as if suddenly struck by a thought. “I’ve actually met some of the Avengers, like Hawkeye, at these events too. We had more in common than I expected.”  
Ahh, she thought. The man who’d answered Matt’s door could easily wear the Daredevil suit.  
“Maybe I’ll meet Black Widow one day!” she answered him. Matt grinned.  
“If you do, will I be forgiven?” he asked hopefully. She smiled back.  
“It will be a start.”  
~~~~~~  
Things at work had never been better. Karen and Foggy were pleasantly distracted by their own shopping montage as Stark’s P.R. department helped them upgrade their party wardrobe to match Matt’s. The calendar was easing up slightly as the holidays approached and everyone was in a good mood. Daredevil had already been caught on shaky cell-phone footage stopping muggers while the three of them were recording terrible karaoke in a new bar. Matt became tense and spastic when the news was announced but otherwise the alibi went off without a hitch. He later blamed it on a dislike of karaoke, and they all agreed once was enough. All in all Matt was feeling grateful for the Avengers in his life, so he didn’t even flinch when he heard a familiar heartbeat saunter towards him near the courthouse.  
“Matt Murdock?” asked a smooth friendly voice.  
“Yes?” Matt asked, pretending confusion as he turned.  
“I thought that was you! I’m Sam Wilson. We met at one of Stark’s things.”  
“Oh yes.” Matt held out his hand, and Sam shook it, holding on just a little too long, before smoothly offering his arm to the blind man. Matt allowed Falcon to lead him as they walked, a little bemused.  
“What brings you to the courthouse today Mr. Wilson?” he asked.  
“Oh, I heard it was a good place to meet beautiful people.” Sam said easily. He gave Matt a little shoulder bump. “Obviously I heard right.” Matt rolled his eyes and laughed.  
“Why Mr. Wilson, are you flirting with me?” he asked, face tilted coyly, and it was Sam’s turn to laugh.  
“Must be off my game if you have to ask.” They bantered back and forth, Sam apparently content to walk with Matt as long as he could. Matt was enjoying the conversation, but he was getting mixed signals. Finally he had his opening when Sam offered him a ride to the office. Once they were in the privacy of the car Matt voiced his confusion.  
“Sam,” he asked. “Can I be blunt?”  
“I prefer it.” Sam replied easily.  
“You’re not physically attracted to me.” Matt said it as gently as he could.  
“What?” he sounded startled. “What do you mean?”  
“There’s a lot of tells in a person’s voice if your hearing’s as good as mine.” Matt explained. “Plus your body language is a little off, not to mention the lack of pheromones. Your heart just isn’t in it.”  
“I’m just getting to know you.” Sam sounded fond, and a little exasperated. “Of course I’m not on fire yet.” He shot a glance at his passenger. “I like what I know so far though.”  
“Normally it works the other way around though.” Matt persisted. “You feel a spark, and follow it.”  
“I don’t know you well, but Steve talks about you all the time.” Sam responded. “Between him and the others I had to find out what I was missing.”  
“The Avengers talk about me?” Matt asked in surprise.  
“Are you kidding? There’s a betting pool for Matt’s Favorite Avenger.” Sam’s heart rate bumped, and Matt realized he hadn’t intended to say that. Matt smirked as he noticed Sam’s faint blush.  
“Betting pool?” Matt did his best to look insulted and failed utterly. Sam laughed.  
“Oh yeah. Currently Steve is leading because of all the time he’s been spending in Hell’s Kitchen, but Clint says he made it to 3rd base.” It was Matt’s turn to blush. “Ooh!” Sam cheered gleefully. “Did I embarrass you?”  
“A gentleman never kisses and tells.” Matt tried.  
“Clint’s no gentleman.” Sam laughed as he parked the car. “He’s barely house-trained. Nah, you want old-school romance, I’m your guy.”  
“I thought that was Steve?”  
“No no no.” Sam was shaking his head. “See, look. Steve has manners. Stark has confidence. Clint is all about enthusiasm. But me? I am the Avenger with game.”  
Matt was impressed by the sheer charisma Sam was throwing his way, but he still didn’t feel any romantic interest between them. He invited Sam up to meet the others, teasing him about his odds.  
“Don’t let Thor find you chained to a rooftop, that’s all I’m saying.” Sam muttered as Matt opened the door to the office and ushered him in. Matt forced a laugh and tried to continue his teasing as if he had no idea what the Avenger was talking about. Then Karen entered from the kitchen, and Matt didn’t have to worry about anyone noticing anything about him.  
Sparks. Skipped heartbeats. Rising temperatures. Rich pheromones filling the room. It was every arousal sign Matt had ever identified, all at once. Sam and Karen stood dumbstruck and probably stared at each other with hearts coming out of their eyes.  
“Karen!” Matt announced gleefully, as he escaped the narrow path between the two. “You’ll never guess who I met at the courthouse today.”  
Sam grabbed his cue and stepped forward gracefully, extending his hand to the magnificent woman in front of him. “Sam Wilson ma’am. Pleased to meet you.” The man’s voice was suddenly deeper, smoother. Sexier.  
“Oh!” Karen was blushing as Sam gently took her hand in both of his, holding it for much longer than a handshake. “The Avenger?” she asked breathily.  
“Yes, Falcon!” Matt declared happily, interrupting the moment. Their hands fell apart. “Sam here was just telling me about a fun little wager--”  
“A wager regarding the most beautiful woman in New York.” Sam interrupted hastily. “And it looks like I’ve won.” His announcement was met with a breathy giggle and a hair toss. Matt smirked to himself and wandered into his office.  
Matt listened to Sam and Karen flirt with serious intent as he searched his desk for the envelope he’d thrown there a few days ago. Once he had it he interrupted the two again.  
“Karen” he asked innocently as he held up the invitation. “ I’m not going to make the black-tie fund raiser this weekend.” Sam glared at him for interrupting his moment with Karen, but Matt continued blithely on. “Would you like to go instead?”  
Karen began to stutter out a reply, and Sam saw his opportunity. “I’m attending.” he said smoothly. “I’d be happy to keep you company.” Plan executed, Matt ducked back into his office amid Karen’s happy response.  
Sometime later Sam knocked on the doorframe of Matt’s office and was waved in. He casually shut the door before stepping over to Matt’s desk.  
“Headed out?” Matt asked him casually.  
“Yeah.” Sam fidgeted a little bit. “Sorry I got, uh, sidetracked.” he said sheepishly.  
“Still trying to win the bet?” Matt asked slyly. Sam laughed.  
“Nope, I’m out.” he smiled at the lawyer. “Nice assist by the way.”  
“Glad it worked.” Matt replied warmly. “Not that you needed the help.” Sam smiled so brightly he could feel it.  
“We will have to do beer and pizza though.” Sam insisted. Matt smiled back.  
“Wouldn’t miss it.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
6 (Bruce)  
Matt’s life was settling into a comfortable balance. Karen’s excellent management skills, once properly unleashed, had eased the mad scramble at work into a productive, lucrative routine. They were hardly even doing overtime anymore. Clint and Natasha enjoyed being Daredevil so much they had to work out a schedule. Saving people one on one was something they missed, and it was more fun to stay in shape by beating up muggers than beating up a heavy bag. Matt was impressed and uneasy when he realized Natasha’s spy tech allowed her to look identical to him in the suit, and she and Clint both managed his signature fighting style. At her suggestion they all wore voice modulators now as well, making it even less likely anyone would realize there was more than one person wearing the armor. Foggy and Steve happily punctured Matt’s discomfort with the impersonations. It was ridiculous for him to be concerned about Daredevil’s reputation when it was a secret identity, especially when the Avengers were just as, or more, effective at fighting crime than he was. Matt slowly grew accustomed to the help, relaxing faster thanks to Foggy’s obvious pleasure with his uninjured company.  
All this was on Matt’s mind as he allowed Foggy to lead him through crowd at yet another Stark party, this one at a local upscale sports-themed bar. Clint had given them a heads-up that Daredevil would be making the news tonight in a big way while the lawyers had the perfect alibi. Karen had been whisked away as soon as Sam arrived and was now in an animated discussion with Pepper Potts. Foggy found them a table and Matt happily took a seat while his friend headed to the bar.  
“There’s my favorite public defender!” sang out Tony, leading another man to his table. Matt smiled back.  
“Hi Tony. Good to see you.” He greeted the billionaire, who groaned at his wording, as usual.  
“Hey have you met Bruce? This is Bruce. He is awesome and you need him in your life. Say hi Bruce.”  
“Hi Bruce.” he repeated dutifully. Tony cackled as they awkwardly shook hands.  
“Bruce is going to sit with you for an hour.” Tony announced. The other man groaned softly. “He lost a bet and now he has to socialize.”  
“I’m flattered.” Matt deadpanned. Tony leaned over to whisper in his ear.  
“You’re going to charm the shit out of him!” he declared, before whispering to himself “Don’t make me tell Thor you’re pining buddy.” Matt reddened. Tony made a big show of setting a timer on his phone before dashing gleefully back into the crowd.  
They sat silently for a moment, regarding each other with embarrassment.  
“So what was the bet?” Matt finally asked.  
“Can I not answer that?” Bruce asked shyly. “It’s kind of humiliating.” Matt shrugged and chose a different topic. They quickly became so embroiled in a lively conversation that Matt was startled when Foggy reappeared at the table, drinks in hand.  
“Bruce Banner! Hulk!” He enthused at them. “Oh my God Matt you’ve collected the entire set now!” Both men stammered, but Foggy kept talking. “You’ve won Avengers Pokemon!” Matt was saved from a response by a commotion at the bar.  
“Daredevil’s been sighted.” He reported to Foggy. “It’s on the news.” Foggy immediately darted back to the bar and the big screens all changed to the same network. The babble around them died down as the crowd, mostly locals, watched an exclusive on their own vigilante. There were a few murmurs as they recognized the building on the screen. Apparently Daredevil was destroying some sort of mob stronghold. The reporters breathlessly explained they had live video feed from security cameras inside the building. Matt soon tuned them out in favor of Foggy’s descriptions, Bruce listening with amusement.  
“OK. He just backflipped a guy and ohh! Nice gut punch. Gun! Gun! Ok Ok the gun is oooh boy that guy chose the wrong career.” Foggy and several other people in the bar were loudly cheering on their hero when there was a combined gasp.  
“What? What?” Matt asked anxiously.  
“Daredevil’s surrounded--” Bruce started anxiously, but he was interrupted by another outburst.  
“They’re all dead!” Foggy yelped. “The bad guys have all been shot!” There were several tense moments while everyone tried to understand what was happening, and then Foggy groaned.  
“The Punisher is there.” He whispered. Matt grabbed at his hand and ended up with Bruce’s, but he was too keyed up to let go.  
“Castle?” he hissed. “Why is he there?” The reporter and several people in the bar asked the same thing. Then everyone stopped talking. There was a combined shocked gasp.  
“Oh Clint.” he heard Bruce groan.  
“What? Is he hurt?” Matt tried to listen to the reporter again but he couldn’t focus in his panic.  
“He’s not hurt.” Bruce assured him.  
“Foggy!” Matt’s desperate voice finally reached his friend.  
“Matt, I just want to say we’re even here, OK?” Foggy’s non-sequiter threw everyone at the table.  
“What?” he yelled. Bruce and Foggy spoke over one another.  
“I will never give you grief about Daredevil again” Foggy said hysterically.  
“Daredevil is fellating the Punisher.” Bruce was using his emergency doctor voice. Calm authority.  
“Foggy?” Matt begged after a stunned moment. His friend sighed, getting ahold of himself.  
“Daredevil is giving the Punisher a blowjob.” He confirmed. Matt made a weird dying-animal noise. Yak? Maybe a yak noise.  
“The Punisher approached Daredevil. They had what appeared to be a short argument.” Bruce delivered the bad news in a pragmatic, empathetic voice. “They quickly reached an agreement at which point Daredevil got on his knees and put his mouth on the Punisher’s groin.”  
“They’re done now.” Foggy added helpfully. “Castle didn’t last long.” Matt made another creepy animal noise. Bruce realized they were attracting a little attention, but not as much as he would have expected. The instant replay on the television was keeping the majority of people distracted.  
“Maybe we should leave.” Bruce was very good at slipping away from tumultous situations. Matt looked like he was going to pass out or throw up.  
“Buddy you’ve got to pull it together.” Foggy whispered nervously. “You can’t let this alibi fall apart.” Bruce looked back and forth between them, and then he sighed.  
“I really empathize with what you’re going through.” he spoke gently to Matt as he rescued his numb hand from the lawyer’s grip. “I am very familiar with an alter ego ruining an excellent evening, and I hope we can meet again in more pleasant circumstances.”  
While Foggy watched with confusion, Bruce stood and scanned the bar until he spotted Tony. Pepper had a death grip on his arm, apparently to keep Stark from approaching Matt and making things even worse. He locked eyes with Tony and nodded. The other Avenger lit up. He mumbled to Pepper, who immediately vanished to set wheels in motion. Bruce took a deep breath, centered himself.  
“GAAAAAH!” He screamed. Everyone lunged away except for Tony, who was suddenly at his side.  
“Oh No!” he yelled theatrically. “Oh Doctor Bruce Banner! Please Calm Down!”  
“I’m So Angry!” Bruce yelled back, hitting his chest. They were the absolute focal point now.  
“Please Bruce! Don’t HULK Out!” Tony wailed, clutching at his friend. The bar was emptying fast.  
“WE HAVE TO LEAVE!” Bruce bellowed, really using his lungs. Embarrassing himself on purpose was oddly cathartic. “EVERYONE MUST LEAVE!”  
Matt’s pasty face and shaking hands suddenly blended into the crowd as Foggy led him to safety. Pepper’s security agents ushered the partygoers out quickly and efficiently even as Tony and Bruce emoted themselves to a separate exit. No one was talking about Daredevil now.  
It was quite possibly the nicest thing anyone had ever done for Matt.  
~~~~~~~~~  
Matt dejectedly allowed Foggy to lead him towards home. They weren’t speaking. Foggy thought Matt was overreacting. Matt thought his pseudonym was a laughingstock now. They were stewing their way into his building and up his stairs before Matt finally focused enough to realize his apartment was full of people.  
“Barton!!” he howled, pushing his way past Foggy.  
“Rude!” he heard Foggy shout, followed by a muttered “Drama Queen.”  
Matt flung open his door and barreled inside. It was the last clear motion before he found himself pinned face down on his own couch with nearly 300 lbs of super soldier sitting on his ass, holding his flailing legs easily.  
“Oh, hey Steve!” Foggy called cheerfully as he closed the door behind him. “Did you get that magazine I sent you?”  
“Foghuh geh” Matt growled as he tried to keep the couch from suffocating him. His legs jerked and he slapped ineffectively at anyone close.  
“Yeah buddy.” Foggy crouched in front of his friend. “I texted the gang to let them know you were a little upset.”  
“Agh lil Barton!” Matt wheezed, insulted by his friends’ nonchalance.  
“Can you breathe?” Foggy asked seriously. Matt listened to the scene in his apartment. Barton and Natasha were lounging on the steps to the roof access, Sam was rooting around in the kitchen with Karen making….cookies maybe? A cake? Steve was parked on top of him, barely shifting despite Matt’s struggles, absently pinning Matt’s shins to his own beefy thigh with one hand. There was an undercurrent of tension, but by and large the group was relaxed and confident. Matt took a deep breath, or tried to, and was embarrassed when a little whine escaped. Steve pat his upper back consolingly.  
“Ok buddy. Just be calm, let them explain, and Steve will let you out of this weird yoga position, ok?”  
Matt tried to glare but it was ruined by his pained huffing as he forced air through the disgusting couch cushion trying to suffocate him. He was getting rid of it tomorrow. It was awful. How had he ignored this stench? The olfactory horror dulled Matt’s anger and his flailing stopped. Foggy correctly took that to be agreement. He gestured and Natasha spoke from where she was sitting.  
“Castle and Clint have been seeing each other for awhile.” she said calmly. Matt blinked, and was gratified when the others also seemed surprised.  
“No kidding?” Karen sounded shocked. “How did that start?”  
“Castle figured out we were imposters pretty quickly.” she explained. “He captured Clint to get some answers.”  
“How could he tell?” asked Foggy. He sounded anxious.  
“Don’t worry Foggy.” Natasha reassured him. “Castle knew something was up because he wasn’t getting lectured.” Foggy and Karen both choked back startled laughs. Matt huffed in an aggrieved way under Captain America’s butt. “He knew there was more than one stand-in because I don’t make unnecessary flips like the boys here.” she added wryly.  
“not. un. nessa hugh” Matt argued. He was ignored.  
“We realized we needed to focus more on the redemption chatter.” Clint piped up. “So I started bashing Frank around when he helped me out, and, uh.”  
“It turned them both on.” Natasha said serenely. “They were rolling around, grinding each other.”  
“Wall sex.” Clint sighed happily. Matt and Steve flinched at the same time.  
“Yeah?” Karen asked speculatively. “Any of that on camera too?” Sam laughed and kissed her. Matt huffed again. He was starting to get light-headed.  
“Hey I’m a freaking master spy!” Clint yelped indignantly. “I only get caught on video when I want to.”  
“Ooh.” Karen purred from the kitchen. “You wanted to make a Daredevil/Punisher sex tape.”  
Matt growled and shoved with all his strength, shifting Steve about a quarter of an inch. Cap bounced a little in retaliation and squeezed the remainder of Matt’s air right out of his lungs. Clint kept talking.  
“Well, yeah, I mean obviously damn-” Natasha smacked Clint upside the head and recalibrated his thought process. “Look, it’s a perfect secret identity, right? Matt Murdock would never go down on a guy in the middle of a gunfight, right?”  
Matt suspected everyone was looking at him. He focused on breathing.  
“Riiiight.” Foggy answered for him. “Right. Obviously. Matt has no proven record of sleazy hookups.”  
“Sleazy?” Clint whined.  
“Proven?” Asked several other voices at the same time. Foggy ignored them and leaned down to face his squished vigilante friend.  
“The jury has declared the defendant not-guilty.” he intoned. “Will you accept the verdict?” Matt closed his eyes and panted.  
“I swear the scum still think Daredevil is a badass.” Natasha said softly. “If anything, Clint’s behaviour has convinced them Daredevil is even crazier than they suspected.”  
Matt thought about it. It was true that criminals had seemed easily intimidated on his last night out. He hadn’t noticed his tips to the police being treated less seriously either.”  
“Beeh goi huh--” Foggy interrupted Matt’ panted question and translated it.  
“You said the alley trysts have been happening for awhile? Weeks?”  
Clint looked abashed and admitted to hooking up with Castle at least that long. Foggy watched his friend and finally got the nod. Steve stood and helped the breathless lawyer up. Matt took the assistance with bad grace but he took it, which Foggy knew was a good sign.  
“Are we good here?” The captain asked.  
Matt staggered up and lurched into the kitchen for a bottle of water. Tension built in the others as they waited for a reply.  
“Are we still welcome?” Natasha asked quietly.  
“I’m getting rid of that couch.” Matt announced.  
“Thank God.” Foggy replied. The others watched, mystified. Was this a code? Was Clint the couch?  
“What about us?” Sam asked evenly. “Are you getting rid of us?” Matt sighed, leaning against the wall.  
“No.” he finally replied with a crooked smile, earning a tidal wave of relief from his friends. “But from now on Bruce is officially my favorite Avenger.”


End file.
